so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
