i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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