Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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