my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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