So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
