i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
