Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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