Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
