he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
