Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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