ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
