____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
