I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's like heaven, but drunker
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
