Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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