I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I touched a dick in church today
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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