She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
