I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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