My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
