I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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