glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
