I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
