His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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