I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
