u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
