Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
