He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Randomize
