did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
