My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
