I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
