Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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