He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I need moral support for this bender
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
