I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
