i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
