No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
