someone threw a dead crab at me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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