We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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