If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
