I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
