so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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