hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
