Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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