i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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