What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
