Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
