you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
