I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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