He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
