so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
