I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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