This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
