You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
