i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
