So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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